Why do nice guys rarely or never win?

a sense of entitlement or a lack of responsibility

low confidence

clingy, in need of constant reassurance

Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?

So yeah, unfortunately, the answer to this question stems from the psyche of most young women. According to research, women are generally attracted to men who demonstrate confidence, even if said confidence is rooted in arrogance. They like the “bad boy type”, even if said type leads to heartbreak and broken relationships. Women may be attracted to "bad boys" for a variety of reasons, including the thrill of the chase, the perceived mystery surrounding them, the potential to "fix" them, a desire for excitement, and sometimes even an unconscious evolutionary pull towards traits that might signal strength and dominance, even if those traits can be problematic in a long-term relationship. Women are often attracted to traits found among bad guys, but thankfully, these traits are also found among what you might call “powerful good guys.”

low assertiveness

One of my old boyfriends I dated for a time, a quality bf that I almost ended up marrying before we broke things off due to life reasons and nothing bad, was a “nice” guy. Genuinely just a decent guy. Strong in moral fiber and upbringing, confident, bad ass, etc. He was the sort of guy that you’d think any girl would want to date. And yet, he stated before he met me, he only had 3 other girlfriends in life, and most girls tended to avoid him like the plague to where it felt like he didn’t exist. He stated he never knew why, just how it was. And it’s not like he was a bad looking guy. Lamented that he saw too often the girls hook up with jerks and he just grew to be like whatever. He’s now happily married to a smoking cute redhead and is doing quite well for himself.

What would happen if Kakashi and Naruto switched places?

Also, unfortunately, due to rise of social media, movies, tv, music, etc, the term “nice guy” has been given negative connotations. The regular (non-powerful) “nice guy” stereotype invokes a sense of:

weakness, patheticness, neediness

Lastly, many young women are well… young and mentally immature. Keep in mind the prefrontal cortex tends to not be fully developed until one is 25 years of age. Also, many young ladies grew up being “the princess”. They’re “hot shit that can do no wrong”. The societal push of sex, sexual whatnot, and stuff like OnlyFans also gave many women ideas of false sense of self and expectations in a partner. On a basic level, we also like to desired and feel special. Many young women will hook up with a steaming pile of shit as long as he makes her feel desired and special. Unfortunately, many great guys tend to be reserved and have a hard time approaching girls and making them feel special right off the bat, often times needing to warm up to them and make a genuine connection first.

What made you feel disgusted today?

Heck, according to studies, supposedly 1 in every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. 1 in 6!!! That’s insane if true!

Why? Are that many men truly that awful? Truth be told, whether other women like to hear it or not, NO, not many men are that awful. It’s just that it is so stupid common for young ladies to be attracted to trashy men that the number is supposedly that high. And thus, sadder still, many women then blame mankind for their bad relationship decisions.

self-determination, knowing what you want (but with pro-social rather than selfish goals), and going after what you want with intensity (but without violating other people’s boundaries)

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

a quiet confidence (rather than a bragging narcissistic confidence)

As a woman, I’ve actually always wondered this myself growing up in school and even now in my early 20s. I’ve witnessed this phenomenon a good deal and it always left me scratching my head in wonder. Why are genuinely nice and awesome guys ignored?

This is why it’s so sadly common for many young ladies to hook up with absolute jerks and straight up trash. I remember when I used to live in Arizona and I’d be out and about and it was disturbing to see the amount of beautiful young women with straight up losers and d-bags. And I mean like “The Island Boys” kinda of trash. Like “wtf are you ladies thinking” type of trash.

Overthinking is killing me day-by-day. What should I do?

not knowing what you want or not pursuing what you want

I remember being in high school and there was this one guy that just about every girl was crushing on. Even in high school he had some light stubble going on, a strong jaw line, and the sort of good looks to make women swoon. And yet his character and inner workings were awful. I remember over hearing him brag to one of his friends about his body count and laughing about breaking up with these girls, stating that he just wanted to sleep with as many as he could and he quote “didn’t give two fucks about any of those ‘sluts’ that slept with him”. And yet, almost every girl in school wanted to be with him.

However, these guys tended to portray cocky, bad boy, not giving a fuck attitudes that many young women for whatever reason dig. Decent and good men would be all the overlooked as they girls constantly dated trash, slept with trash, got their hearts broken by trash, and got knocked up and then dumped by trash.

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For the most part, scientifically speaking because this phenomena is so common it has been studied, their niceness can be perceived as a lack of confidence or a sign of being easily manipulated, leading to others taking advantage of them in competitive situations. To some, it can be seen as a lack of assertiveness, them being seen as “too available”, and simply a lack of confidence. Some studies are so bold as to say “nice guys are scared to be themselves” as well as the other “reasons” listed above, but in my opinion, such is straight up bullshit because I’ve met many amazing “nice guys” that had confidence, badassery, and were unique unto themselves. I have noticed however, that some genuine nice guys don’t go with the flow of the masses, and this throws women off especially in the early years where popularity tends to be going with the flow of the masses and thus not being yourself, often becoming a product of fakeness to fit in with the “in” crowd.

On the other hand, there are “powerful good guys” who reflect the traits that more mentally mature women tend to like while not being “bad” at all. If you are a powerful, good guy, you demonstrate the following:

etc.

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strength that is used to protect others (not to take advantage of or manipulate others)

lack of charisma (e.g., low energy, lack of presence)